Fifty Shades Freed – Film Review

I would be lying if I told you I didn’t enjoy Fifty Shades Freed. But I know I enjoyed it for all the wrong reasons.

We join Ana and Christian on the final arc of this film trilogy. Somehow, we’re meant to believe that Ana has gotten used to Christian’s ways, despite them having talked about the ‘vanilla life’ in the previous film.

Most of the beginning of the film felt like a tourism ad with Christian and Ana globetrotting the world and living the glamorous high life. They even have a bicker about Ana being topless on a topless beach, which made no sense to me. I mean, if let’s say my hot wife wanted to be topless on a topless beach, I would be so proud. I’d be like, “Look at my fine wife! You can look, but you can’t touch.” Jamie Dornan’s character Christian doesn’t think that way though. If anything, there is very little character development for Christian. Sure, he’s learnt to love, but it’s still his way or the highway, or should I say, ‘play room’. The tourism ad turned into a real estate ad, which turned into a car ad, which then monstrously morphed into a somewhat watered-down thriller.

Fifty Shades Freed has no narrative. Everything felt impulsive, like it was only thought of last minute and rushed. There is an extreme lack of consistency in this film, and the franchise as a whole. I went to see this feature wanting to give this movie a chance, but the script writing and plot were terrible. For characters to marry and then after being married, discuss on whether they want kids or not is utterly ridiculous. It may be just me, but wouldn’t you discuss this stuff before you choose to marry someone? This topic in the film then leads to even more absurd scenes which I found extremely humorous. I was snickering in the cinema when I know I should have not been. This is supposed to be some romantic thriller, instead it felt more like a far-fetched comedy.

While I was slightly impressed with the character development Dakota Johnson exerts in Ana, slowly standing up and defying Christian. Ana is still in a relationship where the man is treating the woman like property, and not as a free person (despite the film title).

The sex scenes in the film are brief but constant. For about half the movie, they’re ‘doing it’. The time they spend procreating made me question what Christian Grey does for work. I mean, I know he’s the head of some company and super damn rich, but what exactly does he do again? I don’t think the sex scenes were as full on as the first or even second film. This is probably the tamest I’ve ever seen from the film series. And let’s be honest, even in all three films, 70’s and 80’s films revealed more body parts and skin in their sex scenes. There’s nothing particularly wild about Fifty Shades Freed in the sex scene department this time around, but this is perhaps because we’ve seen it all before to the point that it’s not surprising anymore.

Are there any positives? Well, yes. Rita Ora who is mainly a singer yet oddly plays Christian’s sister Mia in the film finally gets a song on the soundtrack. And the return of Ellie Goulding’s “Love Me Like You Do” which is the most iconic song associated with the Fifty Shades franchise was a nice touch. That’s about it.

Fifty Shades Freed has as much depth as a wading pool. If you’re a fan of the original book series or film series, go for it. Otherwise, don’t even bother wasting your time. Life’s too short.